Deborah Skalabrin, MSW, LICSW
When the journey hasn't been easy...
Do you have dreams about your life as an Autistic adult or college student?
Maybe interests that feed your soul and express your passions, purpose that engages you and adds your spark to the world, connections with like-minded (and other-minded) friends who enjoy and care about you, or experiences you enjoy when you want them, with downtime in between to regenerate. Maybe school and job success too, to fuel an independent (or interdependent) life that offers choices, supports, and a level of autonomy that works for you. Opportunities to use your creativity and talents, like "out-of-the-box thinking," or attention to details others miss. And even finding epic love (or trustworthy companionship) with someone who truly gets you, if that's something you want.
Some of these pieces may be in place and deeply satisfying already. But other areas of your life may feel frustrating at best, or soul-crushing at worst, especially if you're getting direct or indirect messages that you don't fit, "aren't doing it right," or are out of sync...just by being yourself! Who wouldn't develop anxiety or depression when overwhelmed by sensory stimulation, stressed by eye contact or forced social interaction, judged by unspoken expectations of "neurotypicals," or thwarted in achieving goals you feel sure you could achieve with the right supports?
If you're discouraged enough, you might just hide out awhile, and not in a contented way -- maybe obsessively gaming, distracting yourself, or withdrawing in self-protection. Other times, you go after what you want, but experience bullying, exclusion, repeated criticism, or even job terminations or loss of desired relationships...all from what can feel like misunderstandings, judgment, or standards not made for you. Do others assume you have bad intentions when you mean well, or get irritated by perceiving your sincere communication as selfish or rude? Maybe they expect you to use an unfamiliar interaction style, or accomplish tasks at a level of stamina you find it hard to sustain, but without mutual problem-solving, compromise, or support, both of you ended up disappointed.
This can all be harder if you are still dependent on parents, family, or others you prefer not to be dependent on. Even when others care and want to help, they might have expectations, pressures, and ideas that come from a neurotypical viewpoint, without recognizing the collaboration and help you need, or what may be a good fit. Constant conflict isn't the answer, but It can be a struggle to acknowledge their concerns while being heard and understood yourself.
You've probably made efforts to just "be like everyone else" by masking your autism and focusing on conforming...but learned how exhausting and inauthentic that can feel.
Or you memorized what seemed like the "right way" to handle things, only to have the "right way" change with the circumstances, settings, or the variable reactions of other people.
Maybe you've argued and pushed back -- a lot -- because if others are going to be mean, then you're going to attack back in an effort to defend yourself. It's understandable to feel hurt and angry, but staying there long-term is uncomfortable and can alienate, without getting you where you want to go.
What you've tried; what doesn't work.
Let's take a fresh shot at a happier life.
Therapy is a confidential way to learn more about yourself and where you've been, make plans that honor your core, and grow your life toward more happiness and less stress.
We can't control other people or in large part, the world, so we'll focus on steps you can take for yourself -- to gain more clarity, understand yourself and others, make choices that serve you, and self-advocate in ways that keep it real while potentially attracting more cooperation, empathy, and supports from others.
Examples of what we work on:
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First steps for anxiety, depression or shutdown, to reduce overwhelm and being stuck in self-protection mode, and allow you more room for hope.
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Problem-solving your stressors, so you can take impactful steps in areas like improving conflictual relationships, chronic procrastination, school struggles, or repeated job loss, while making peace with what's not yours to control.
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Living with nervous system activation and sensory sensitivities - ways to reduce or self-regulate reactivity so experiences can be more comfortable and less anxiety-producing. Includes ways to self-advocate in response to neurotypical assumptions and expectations.
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Managing stamina and "social energy" to interact and complete tasks when you have the "bandwidth," then break away to recharge in ways that work with the rest of your life.
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Making and keeping social connections to the level you'd like, including bonding over common interests, flowing with neurotypical patterns if you want or going your own way, avoiding those who mean you harm, and growing meaningful relationships.
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Establishing or strengthening healthy boundaries so you can feel more in control of what affects you, foster respect for yourself and others, and reduce interactions with toxic people or unhelpful expectations.
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Navigating interactions and societal assumptions in a majority-neurotypical world --not so you can "mask" or be forced to conform, but to understand other's motivations, practices, and assumptions, then choose your own response mindfully, with more predictable results.
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Using structure, routine, apps, simplifying, and other methods to manage the details and requirements of your life, so you can make the progress you'd like without undue stress or repeating inefficient patterns.
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Self-advocating at home, school, work, and in relationships, to express needs and foster understanding, flexibility, and accommodations that support you.
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Envisioning your goals for independence or interdependence so you can take steps toward making your dreams happen.
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Re-examining life experiences and beliefs about yourself, to build a more kind and realistic self-image, and foster self-compassion and healing.
If you are ready to launch or revamp your life so it works for you...(and you live in Spokane, Seattle or other parts of Washington State)...give me a call!